Im quite aware were dieing -jake-

[rumor victoria chevelle]

Rumor walked into the hospital nervously. Her eyes darting anywhere and everywhere. She scanned many people, hurt or sick. She hated hospitals. They absoulutly terrified her. ever since her first checkup and shot giving she had refused to go bac to the dreadful man in white. Now she was forced to, for her future childs sake. She walked up to the front desk. The women behind it styled white scrubs over humungo boobs. Her makup was pretty sluttu, well it looked slutty with the golden blonde her hair was. She had dark but very bright blue eye shadow with bright whore red lipstick.

Excuse me mam? My names Rumor Chevelle and last week i called in an appointment with Dr.Kristy she said with a sheepish smile. Rumors voice was a sweet melodic chocolate tone that would catch any person off gaurd. Mm yah fill out this form Mis Chevelle and take a seat the women said with a slight hint of annoyance in her dark orbs. Rumor nodded and grabbed a pen and a clipboard. She sat down in a seat that was away from any of the hurt or sick people, god forbid she got sick. She filled out the information that the doctar already knew but needed once more and handed it to the slut.

Rumor went back to her seat and leaned on her hands, her elbows perched on her knees. She hadnt ever dreaded having a child, but knowing that right than and there that night had syked her out. She was totally freaked and unprepared. She sat up staright and looked down at her nice neat flat tummy. she patted it lightly and kept her hand there looking thoughtfully down at where her baby would develope. She was ready for this Not matter what.

[jacob envy lorcan]

Jake had on a pair of sunglasses. Because his vision was so blurry he had been unable to resist walking around with his eyes as wide as baseballs. And that was just not attractive. Plus the sunglasses made his blurry vision seem a little more normal. But not really... no... not really. Jake was following Rumor's scent. He couldn't stay away from her. He needed her before he went blind or tried to kill himself again. Plus he need to tell her that. She had the right to know, whether she liked it or not.

Butterflies were swimming anxiously in Jake's stomach as he walked very slowly to where he could smell her. And her surroundings. She was quite obviously in a near by doctor's office building. Jake had grown accustom to holding his hand against the back of his head, because of the constant headache. When he pushed back there it helped a little. But not really. So he kinda walked around with a hand at the back of his neck. There was the doctor's office.

The door was obviously a blue color, with a glass window. He could tell even though his vision was so blurry, it was the glare. Jake approached the door, so unable to see details that he had to run his hand along the wooden matireial that the door was made of to find the knob. Could all this trouble with his sight be gone soon? Hopefully. There the knob was. Jake fiddled with it entail it opened. Jake stumbled in. Rumor's scent was close.

The room was a comfortable cool temperature. Jake like that. It soothed the headache a tiny bit. Jake's hand went up to his head as his eyes searched the room for a familure shape. He thought he saw her, but no. The lady smelled wrong. Jake searched more. Then he found her. That was deffinatly her. Same smell, shape, colors. It was her. Jake walked over to her. Rumor. He said, kinda weakly. Are you okay? Why are you hear? I can't see. Are you hurt? He started questioning wildly, and sounding genuinly frightened. He tried to look into her eyes with his. He knew that they were so glassed over that their orriginal color was very lightened. They were now extremely blue. It looked like he really was completely blind. Not just blurried.

[rumor victoria chevelle]

Rumor looked up, quickly moving her hand away from her stomach. her breathing quickened for a mment till she realized it was just jake. Great did he have to show up every second of her life? Rumor rolled her eyes. She parted her lips to say somthing than he went into a frantic questioning without stopping between the questions. No no im perfectly fine... that i know of she said standing up and grabbing his arms so he could know and feel where she was, since apparently he had no eyedight, from god knows what.

Im here to get a check up... On the baby she said softly and kindly to him her voice showing none of the despise that her thoughts had revealed. It was amazing how he just kept finding her out of the blue. Did he love her tha much? well even if he did it didnt matter. She loved mykell and he couldnt change that.

Miss Chevelle, please follow me a voice called from the door that led to the back. Rumor bit her lip nervously. What was she gonna do with a blind jake. Goddammit. she grabbed jakes hand and whispered so only he could hear. follow my lead. She walked toward the women dragging jake behind her. Miss Chevelle, friends cant accompany you. she said ina rude manner. He's not my friend.. He's my fiance she said carfuly. Hmph fine the women said and let them both through where she led them to the doctars office. Once they were in there together she led jake to that bed thing and said sit Than she sat down herself waiting for him to say somthing.

[jacob envy lorcan]

Jake heard Rumor. Oh. good. He said, relieved. He felt her hands grab his arms. His vision wasn't clearing back up yet. Why? Last time it got like this and Rumor touched him it went away, and he could see again. Why not now? Because last time he was so sure that she loved him. Now he didn't know what to think. Plus he couldn't see her expression. This was all just so... lovely. Just that. It was all perfect. Or wait... no... the total opisite.

Rumor spoke again. She paused before saying "on the baby". He wondered why. It was going to drive Jake crazy not being able to see her right. Jake was grimecing at her. There was no other expression that his body or mind would allow him to make. Jake remembered walking into the ocean because of all of this. He needed to tell Rumor he did that. He needed to tell her why he couldn't see. He needed to tell her that if she doesn't start caring about him or letting him know she does. Or whatever she needs to tell him. That she had better tell him soon. Before he completely goes crazy.

There was an old high pitched voice that rang out from a door way telling Rumor to follow her. Jake wondered how many people were looking at him and thinking he was blind. Jake did as he was told to by Rumor and followed her. Jake felt a splash of cold fear when the doctor said he couldn't come with Rumor. He was about to freak out on the lady, his nerves were on edge and he didn't have time for petty things like this getting between him and Rumor. But Rumor handled the case smoothly. Jake knew all to well she was lying to the doctor.

As blurry as everything was, Jake could tell that it was a doctor's private office. He could see the color and shape of a examination table. But it looked more like a big blue oval. With big black lines going through it. The black lines were the legs of the table. Jake sat with Rumor as instructed to. She wasn't making any conversation with him, so Jake felt it was the time to tell her what he needed to. There were no other moving Blurry Blobs, as Jake was starting to call people in his mind, so he knew that the doctor had left the room, like they always do.

Jake looked at Rumor Blurry Blob. I'm not doing so good Rumor. He said, not sure how to continue. I, uh. The vision thing is because I don't know if you... how you... feel... for me. He managed to get out. Do you care for me Rumor? I can't live without knowing. Jake said. He knew that all to well. He had already tried to stop living without knowing. That was plan A. What he thought was going to be the easy way. But no. He just had to get rescued. This was plan B. The hard way. Probably.

[rumor victoria chevelle]

Rumor had begun to stare back down at her flat tummy. The awkward silence filled her ears with nothingness. Finaly jakes voice colored the silence making it un awkward? Maybe she wasnt sure if thats what it did. His voice didnt sound very colorful. It sounded miserable and like he had failed at death. She wondered about that. Had he tried to kill himself? Thats nonsense. He wouldnt do that after she had told him she rathered he didnt die.

She but her lip nervously as he went on. She made eye contact with him even though he probably didnt know it. Ha. feelings? You really think that after the past week or however long its been i love you or care for you in any of the ways you expect me to. Your wrong. I love mykell and only mykell. Live with it, Jake she said explaining to him. Her voice wasnt as cruel as she would had expected, but he was already in a lot of pain so she eased off a little.

Im sorry you love me and i dont love you back. I truly am, but i cant do anything about it. I DID had feelings for you but theyve been washed away by the feelings i have for mykell she said being brutaly honest to poor jake. The boy who was next to her and couldnt see or really live without herloving him.

[jacob envy lorcan]

Jake gulped as Rumor spoke. He listened to all she said. He didn't reply to her What could he say? Nothing. But he still had things he needed to tell her. He tried to open his mouth and make words, but nothing happened. He just stared forward, loosing all hope. And at the same time all vision. Everything was black, Jake looked over the top of his sun glasses. He couldn't see anything. Little did Jake know that his eyes had now completely glazed over entail they were blank. Now they were just a foggy white. Jake looked at Rumor, his glasses still tilted. He put them back up fast.

Now Jake had something to compare the loss of vision with. He could compare it with a loss of hope. But worse of all now it was going to be near impossible to try and end it all again. Unless he managed to sniff out the ocean again. Rumor was speaking again. But her words didn't help. In fact they made it worse. They cut deep into him. Jake was still trying to see though. A tear rolled down his cheek. I think you have the right to know everything. Jake said bluntly, an other tear running down his cheek. Number 1) I'm totally blind now. I have assosiated my loss of vision with loss of hope. 2) I tried to drown myself in the ocean. A nice kid, Seth, saved me. 3) I can't change now that my collar bone is broken. 4) Because of number three the forest is no longer my home. 5) Because of 4 I don't have a real home. There your pretty filled in with me. What about you? Jake said, totally bluntly, but many tears were running down his face.

[rumor victoria chevelle]

If only jake could realize how she really felt. she didnt not care about him, but she didnt care in the way he wanted her to. which she couldnt help that reason, it was her heart that was leading her, she couldnt hold herself from who she loved just tomake someone else happy, it was either her happieness or someone elses why couldnt he see that? why couldnt he see how much she would be sacrificing if she chose him. WHY!?

Her vision blurred by the tears that welled up in her eyes. She huffed and refused to let the tears fall. ONE! I cant fucking choose who i love it just happens. TWO! Why cant you see id be miserable if i chose you. THREE! i dont love you the way i want. FOUR! Im Being stalked by a dog. FIVE! I never fucking said i didnt care about you. she basicly screamed at him. She didnt know what to do. He didnt have a home he was blind. And all this stress came down upon her. If i were you i wouldnt piss me off right now. Im your only hope of getting out of the doctars office withoutna hassle she said each word showing no compassion.

[jacob envy lorcan]

Jake listened as Rumor yelled at him. Reality fell down painfully on him. He felt crushed by it. Jake put his head in his hands as Rumor spoke. He didn't want to argue with her, but he didn't have much of a choice. His temper acted different around Rumor, but it was still there. I can't choose who I imprint on. I didn't want to imprint. I don't want you to be miserable. I tried to make it so that I could leave you alone. But that didn't work. I could always try again! Jake said, his volume rising with each sentence. He didn't really compute what Rumor had said. He took a moment to think about it. He remembered her number five. Did that mean that she did care? It must have. So you do care? He said, his voice was now quite.

Miserably, Jake listened to Rumor. She was right. There was no way he could get out of the doctor's office now that he couldn't see anything. If any of the doctors saw that he was blind they would want to check him out. That would be bad, since he wasn't human. How the hell am I going to get through life like this? Jake thought. I can't go and kill myself again. That would hurt Seth. I can't get Rumor by the sound of it. So my life is- Jake stopped dead in his thoughts. Everything would work out if he just killed Mykell. Jake would have to try that. Just once he was healed.

Suddenly Jake found himself trying to come up with ways to murder the one Rumor loved. He couldn't do that to Rumor... could he? Did he have a choice? Was there hope? Maybe Rumor would fall out of love with Mykell. Or the other way around. Jake was so confused. Nothing made sense any more. Maybe everything would be fine. Maybe this is all just a bad dream Jake thought. His mouth was wide open, and he was staring straight forward, but seeing nothing.

[rumor victoria chevelle]

Rumor listened, but didnt answer. As much as she wanted to she didnt want to admit to jake at this moment that she cared if he lived or died. She didnt want him to be hers. She wanted a normal-ish life with mykell, the one she did love. The one she would be with for forever and for always.

She looked at jake who had gone silent. You know what today isnt a good day for the doctars... Lets go she stated telling him they were gonna leave. She had lost all thoughtfulness for the baby at the moment, jake had stressed her out quite enough. Rumor grabbed jakes arm and proceeded to the door. She opened it as the doctar had started to. Rumor looked at her and look away continuing out of the doctars office while nurses and doctars yelled at her.

Like she was gonna listen. She had enough to listen to with jake on her hands. Once she had dragged him outside she stopped and whipped around to face him. Do you need a ride to whereever your staying? she asked out of pure politness if for nothing else.

[jacob envy lorcan]

Rumor didn't reply to Jake. She didn't tell him if she really cared. She didn't tell his she didn't care, but she didn't tell him she did care ether. So she might as well have told him she didn't care. Jake's face was grim, and his head dropped. He couldn't see anymore so what was the point of working to keep it up straight? This sucked. As he and Rumor were leaving the hospital, once again, Jake found himself coming up with ways to kill himself, or at least try. Well he was in a hospital place, so there were probably plenty of sharp tools that he could use. Then again he was in a hospital place. Like he was going to succeed in a hospital full of doctors and nurses.

Maybe Jake could steel a sharp tool, try and kill himself by the ocean again, and then go into the ocean. So that he will be dying twice as fast, right? He just kept on thinking of all these ways. He got so sad around Rumor, so pitiful. Then he remembered Rumor could read minds. So what? She already knew he was suicidal. So she might as well know the extent of it, that is if she was even interested in his thoughts at the moment. She probably doesn't even care Jake thought bitterly in his mind.

Rumor was speaking again. Jake didn't know where he wanted to go. What he wanted to do. He wanted to get Rumor. He wanted to talk to her, even if he couldn't as a lover, at least as a friend. Maybe then, if he could at least win her as a friend he would be better. It was just so hard to have the pain of believing she didn't care. Jake could feel the lump in his throat, and the tears in his eyes. Jake sent her a thought instead. I just want to talk to you... Jake didn't think the rest of it all in words, but tried to send her pictures and flashes of his own feelings. Trying to explain to her a little easier about what he needed from her. He wanted her. Somehow. He wanted to love her. Somehow. Even if it wasn't the strongest most desired way, he wanted to love her. And a friend wouldn't hurt. But she probably doesn't care. The bitter thought filled his mind again.